Monday, November 24, 2003
Communication Breakdown …
My biggest headache at this very moment is my inability to properly communicate with my parents. I know this might b a surprise to some of u who have no problem or whatsoever when it comes to talking to ur parents. Well this is not the case with me. I’m having such a hard time to carry out a simple conversation with my parents. I don’t know y, it’s just so hard. I can go on the whole day not saying a single word to my parents though I stay with them in the same house. Even some of my frens were surprised with the fact I’m so quiet when I’m around my parents. It feels there’s a sudden gap between them n me. I’m sitting here and trying to figure out when did this gap happened, but after about an hour, I’m still no where near the answer. How the heck I came to this junction? My parents, especially my mum is all worried about me. She keeps on asking if everything is ok with me or if I have any problem and stuffs like that la. My dad on the other hand keeps quiet on this matter n lets my mum do the talking on this kind of issues. My parents are very understanding to my needs and rarely they say no to whatever I want or do, but y am I putting so much distance between myself and them. I bet they know very little on where I go, what I do or who I mix out with coz I’ve not given them the chance to step into my side of the world. The reason? I think they can’t comprehend on wat is happening on my side of the world. Considering the fact my parents come from quite a conservative background, they might find it hard accept the things which I like or wish to do.
I don’t remember being like this till few years back. I think it was in 2000 when things started to change slowly. My love relationship was in the picture. N there was so much pressure from both end of the family to call it off for lots of reason (normal in Indian love relationship where the family plays an impt role). I felt as if they refused to understand how hard I was trying to make things work coz it really meant so much to me. N along with it, came lots of cheating n disappearing acts. At first I tried to b truthful, but they started to worry about so many things, and that’s when I decided not to bother them with the details. I didn’t want them to know about wat I’m doing n where I’m going. A simple explanation would be, if they don’t know about it, they won’t be worried about it. I guess, by keeping away so many things away from them which might make them worried, I kinda build a wall between them and me, N now I’m finding it so hard to reach out through this wall.
Today morning my mum had another attempt of asking wats wrong with me n y I’m so quiet, n being the stupid me, I got agitated n blew off at her. Anyway, I called her from office n said sorry n all, which I would have never done being the old me. But the new me, goin to do things slightly differently. I’m goin to at least try to hold a decent conversation with them so that they don’t get worried.
Every parent, think their kid is the nicest person who’ve ever walked the face of earth, but in reality they actually far from it. N at times, they refuse to accept the fact their kid is far from a perfect person and not as innocent as they wanted them to be.
@ 6:18 PM
A new, brighter beginning, just like the sunflowers.
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Am on a journey through time, growing older with all the accumulated life lessons. With mind painted with wonderful sceneries from the journey of life. This is a place for me to sit back and unwind myself. Hoping this home in the virtual land will someday be a time capsule for me to run down memory lane.
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